My least favorite movie essay (was I supposed to post this or bring it to class...? I'll do both)

The Sound of Mucus and Why Everyone SHOULD Hate it

Let me make it easy on you and point out the thesis statement of this paper. I HATE The Sound of Music. There are so many things about this movie that I dislike, but I want to start by acknowledging the other side of the argument so I can spend the rest of the paper railing on it. It has two things going for it. #1: Julie Andrews is amazing! You really can’t deny that… she just is. #2: Julie Andrews is amazing. Seriously though, that woman had a gift.

Phew! We got that part over with. To start my tantrum, what the crap is wrong with the person who wrote climb every mountain. I mean seriously, whoever wrote that song should have their composing license taken away. First of all, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU MOTHER SUPERIOR. Get off the stage. Second, how did they screw this song up so badly? They had such a good prompt. I mean think about the meaning. It’s great stuff! How did he manage to make a song about something so awesome SO FREAKING BORING!! It just goes on, and on, and on, and on, and then pauses briefly to take a dramatic breath…. And then continues on it's course swiftly sending you into mindless sleep.

My final sentence of the last paragraph is really my overall feeling about the whole show. I have a good rule of thumb for movie making. If your movie needs a 15 minute intermission… it is too long. Even The Lord of the Rings extended edition’s don’t need an intermission and they’re 4 ½ hours long. At least they have the common decency to make 90% of the 4 ½ hours interesting and well paced. I don’t mind a movie taking a long time, but if it is going to go past 2 hours it better do everything in it’s power to convince me that each minute after that is worth staying still. This is the biggest problem with the movie. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN TWO MOVIES. The first time I watched it, the intermission screen came up and I just figured it was over. The plot resolution had already occurred, and the story had tied together quite nicely. Then my mom told me I was only half way and I just looked at her in astonishment. Then they decided to through in 1 ½ hours of content about Nazi’s ruining the great ending you just spent 1 ½ hours getting to. (Stupid Nazi’s. They ruin everything) By the time the great touching ending about them escaping into the musical hills came around I was bored spitless, and was kind of rooting for the main guy (mr. vandamn?) to get killed. Don’t even get me started on how big of a bland jerk face that guy is. Screw him. Why does he deserve an amazing girl like Julie Andrews? The correct answer is he doesn’t. His kid’s do. He is just the lucky guy who happens to be attached to them.

Anyway, my page is more than up so I guess I’ll have to stop. If you like this movie than you must have accidently taken a nap during intermission and had a dream about them killing the captain at the end, making him a martyr (so we can feel good about it) and leaving the decent people you actually care about to live their happy lives with him just as absent from their lives as he was before. Anyway, if you didn’t notice, I hate this movie.